The toddler’s 7 corporate objectives 

The toddler’s 7 corporate objectives 

My ‘real job’ involves writing lots of policy and strategy and it got me thinking  that the most single minded visionaries I know are toddlers. What would I write for my one year old, my little lady on a mission? She’s just entered that phase that I know well from having experienced it with my son. The phase between 1 and 2 where they have more physical capability than sense, where you have to wait for their minds to catch up with their climbing skills and for them to realise that they can get injured. It’s a hugely entertaining but exhausting phase of vigilance and redirection to save them from themselves.

baby trouble

This sums up my little one’s approach to life right now:

Aim – to achieve death by extreme exploration and unstoppable velocity

Underpinning objectives:

  1. To maintain a ‘Bear Grylls’esque approach to survival. Foraging and consumption to include (not limited to) drinking toilet water, eating bits of food dropped on the floor (God knows how long ago) by your elder brother, eating paper whenever possible
  2. To achieve sector expertise in mastication through the following technology – television remote control, Keys, iPhone, ipad, laptops, cameras
  3. To enter markets previously unexplored, such as inside the washing machine, toilet bowl and the basket under the pram
  4. To climb to great heights in record speed, specifically on to the side table, Arlo’s table, the coffee table, the windowsill and the stairs
  5. To invest resources in IT, specifically the testing of all cabling
  6. To maintain a state of perpetual movement
  7. To achieve a 24/7 customer service by sleeping as little as possible, employees must be prepared to work ‘unsociable hours’

bear grylls meme

Fortunately toddlers don’t need books or strategies, they are hard-wired to achieve their mission. Many executives I’ve known could benefit from their relentless and dynamic approach!

What is your toddler currently obsessed with?

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4 Comments

  1. April 7, 2016 / 20:51

    LOL SO very true, Zoe is all about cables and remote controls and a new found love of bouncing dangerously close to the edge of the sofa.

    • April 8, 2016 / 09:02

      Yes! Always saving them from the edge of the damn sofa – and bed! Little tinkers

  2. April 8, 2016 / 08:55

    This is so very true. My threenager loves the remotes and cables. So much so that when she was a toddler she hid Daddy’s remote to his surround sound. I only found it last week, hidden at the bottom of her sticklebrix. She is now 3! We have to admire the toddlers for their determination and cunning like ways though, don’t we!

    • April 8, 2016 / 09:04

      Haha, yes we do! They are very crafty! We kept all our old remotes and removed the batteries so they could play with real remotes but somehow they know they aren’t the ones we care about. She’s just interested in the ones we use!

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