I’ve always known that mams are pretty great – my own is ‘somethin else’. Everyone always says that if a child gets lost, go to a mum with kids and she’ll help (like she’s not got enough to manage already). Want shit done, ask a busy mother.
Since becoming a mother myself 6 years ago though I’ve a new found respect for mums. In fact, I’ve a HUGE crush on them. I can’t get enough of mums. Bollocks to the mummy wars, I ain’t seeing them. All I see is a bunch of women loving the shit out of each other and I love it. Here are some of my favourite things about my sister mothers.
- No matter how much shit they have going on in their life, they will make time for you if you are struggling or need advice.
- There is everything you could possibly need inside their bags, in a pinch, another mam will have those tablets, plasters, snacks you need
- There is nothing they haven’t seen or done. They are wise women and you can learn so much from them.
- They are tough. They’ve literally bled for their children. These are women who have lived and loved and aren’t fucking around.
- I literally wouldn’t be breastfeeding had it not been for other mothers on the internet (in another country even) who I had never met, taking time to share their knowledge, experience and patience with me. Every breast feeder I know does this (even though they get called the breastapo for doing so). We receive the advice, and then we give it back. When one of us just feels like she can’t go on, when her nipples hurt as much as a crowning baby, it’s other women who have been there who say, it’s ok, you are nearly there – you’ve got this.
- When your baby inevitably falls off the bed or out of the high-chair or whatever for the first time, its other mothers who will share their horror stories of when something similar or worse happened to them to help alleviate your guilt. (Like yesterday when my toddler split her chin open. So many of you told me not to feel guilty and shared your stories with my to help me feel better – I’m so grateful for that).
- When you have to leave your baby and return to work and feel as though your heart is being torn out of your chest they will help you through it. They will share their stories and tell you they felt the same and it gets easier.
- When a woman is pregnant for the first time or has her first child they are patient with how naïve they are. They don’t scare them, they just wait until one day they eventually realise how clueless they were and THEN they take the piss out of you. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child and highlighting sections of the Baby Whisperer, my sister, cradling her 3 month old gently said, just be flexible, when you baby arrives you might not feel this way. Once I had my child, I realised the book was the biggest pile of shite I’d ever read and promptly threw it in the bin.
- I very rarely ask for help but I know if I posted right now saying I’m struggling and I need help – practical or emotional, there would be other mothers who would run to my aid with babes under their arms. Even if they barely knew me. I would do the same for them. It’s what we do.
- Feminists seem to come into their own once they become mothers. They mobilise, they fight and I’ve never been more convinced that they will smash the patriarchy.
- There is a sisterhood in motherhood that I had never experienced before. During my history degree I remember learning that often shared hardships can unite people more than shared joys. Motherhood is both those experiences rolled into one (Brexit is another, lols). It’s a rollercoaster and no one knows that more than another mother. There is a tacit understanding between women that we will be there for one another and that’s never more the case than in motherhood.
Over the years people have called me a ‘blokey’ girl or ‘tomboy’ because I like beer, swearing and I’m not the stereotype of a ‘girly girl’ (whatever the fuck that’s meant to be). But I’m a girls girl through and through. Nothing blows the cobwebs out like hanging out with your girls and putting the world to rights. A play date with another mother can literally save you amidst postnatal depression, or even just mind numbing boredom, which is why…
New Facebook group
…I’ve also set up a new Facebook group linked to my page, The Nomipalony Freehouse. I want to create a community of modern feminists. The group is going to be in the spirit of this post and my blog. It’s going to be a bunch of feminists who want to debate, discuss, learn, grow and support one another on this rollercoaster of modern womanhood and motherhood.
My intention of the group is that it’s going to be like an online pub (hence the name Freehouse), especially for those of us who are mamas and can’t get sitters to physically get to one. Grab a drink, whack on your fave tunes and join in for a chat. No topics are out of bounds. Rules are you must be a feminist willing to learn and always be kind to others. Whilst the group isn’t exclusively for mothers, I do imagine a large proportion of the group will be due to the nature of my page. Let’s help each other change the world and smash the goddamn patriarchy – or just survive, whatever works. You can join the group here.
Disclaimer: Featured image taken by the lovely Colette at We’re Going on an Adventure.
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