You guys all seemed to enjoy my last funny things my 4 year old has said lately so much that I thought I would bring you a final instalment before he turns 5 on Friday (sob).
This time, given the time of year, a fair few of them have a festive twist. Having a 4 year old at Christmas is legitimately the best, and is also hilarious. So many questions about Santa Claus!
These are some of the things he has said to me lately that have made me chuckle…
1. ‘Miss X (his teacher) had a hole in her socks today’
2. ‘Miss X (his teacher) likes to chop people’s legs off you know’
3. ‘Miss X (his teacher) likes to sew people’s mouths shut you know.’ (Trying not to be alarmed about Miss X…)
4. Upon walking in a room where I was getting changed, ‘Mammy your boobs are sooooooooo long’. Erm, thanks son.
5. ‘Mammy don’t say shit that’s a naughty word ok’. Wait isn’t this supposed to work the other way around?
6. ‘When I grow up I wish I could be Santa’ awwwwww
7. ‘I feel very fat today mammy’. When I asked him if that was a good or a bad thing he said good because soon he would have a big fat tummy like Santa. Bless him.
8. ‘Donald Trunk has been a very naughty man’. Yes, yes he has.
9. ‘You can be as naughty as you want outside because Santa can’t watch outside’. Perhaps that’s how Donald Trunk has been getting away with it.
10. On seeing a group of primary school kids walk past, shouts ‘hello ma ladies’. Which is even funnier if you know how introverted he is. Literally no idea where that came from!
11. ‘We don’t have a chimney but it’s ok because Santa has a magic key so he can make a chimney’. Oh, now I see how it works.
12. Asking me about my c-section again – ‘Why did they cut me out? That was silly because now if you eat food it will fall out your tummy’. Bless his cotton socks.
14. I put ‘Santa Claws’ on for the kids while they ate their tea so I could go clean the kitchen up. I come back in and ask what happened and he tells me, ‘the cats killed Santa Claus’ and now I’m wondering if I accidentally put one of Papa Ginge’s horror films on by mistake.
15. Describing the nativity – ‘That’s baby Joseph and Mary. They tried to steal baby Joseph but they only got his mammy’. Think he’s just written the plot for a Taken Christmas special if anyone wants to get on the phone to Liam Neeson?!
What belters have your kids come out with this Christmas? I’d love to hear them in the comments!