Ok so I’m going to let rip here because it’s a rainy miserable day, I’ve got the mother of all period cramps and Trump just won the 2016 presidential election on a campaign of sexism and racism so I’m in a crappy mood.
Now I’m new to this school run malarky but it seems a half-term is all it takes to have come across the same irritating shit enough times to become enraged enough to write a blog post about it.
Now, I am a bit bitter and twisted about my school run as I said in a previous post my son was placed in our second choice school (a 25 minute walk away) when we have a school literally 100 metres from our house. For nearly 2 hours a day I’m battling through throngs of about 200 families coming from further away in the opposite direction (because they all got places at the school next to my house, largely by pretending to have a faith that they don’t) on a single lane path. It’s ridiculous. However, despite me being particularly bitter, I’m betting many of you also find some of the following things as irritating as your freshly dunked biscuit falling apart in your cup of tea:
1. The weather – it can be nice and bright all day but you can guarantee the downpours will time themselves precisely for your school run journeys.
2. People who park like arseholes – from the knobheads who block us into our estate, to the idiots who park on street corners to the morons who obstruct the whole school carpark. Are you so stupid you are just oblivious to how much you are inconveniencing everyone or are you just seriously brazen and give zero Fs?! The person below who keeps parking over the disabled access point on the path, when they could easily park a few metres along, is particularly annoying.
3. People who stand in thoroughfares – usually people chatting to one another. Don’t do it in the doorway or the gates, just move to a place where you aren’t getting in everyone’s bloody way.
4. People who don’t pick up their dog shit – every goddamn day I see multiple piles of dog shit on my school run. I don’t understand what scumbag leaves their dog’s shit and doesn’t pick up after themselves?! And more importantly, why are there so many of them? My kids step in it or I push the buggy through it as I can’t see ahead or it’s under freshly fallen autumn leaves. This boils my blood. I’ve already prepared my monologue (that I’ll probably wimp out of saying) for when I catch one of the dirty buggers.
5. Smokers – you want to smoke that’s your prerogative but please be more considerate. The school run is a relatively short period of time. Can’t you just bloody wait to have a fag until it’s over?! If not then do it away from people. I’m either stuck behind someone, walking in their toxic smoke trail, me and my kids choking on the fumes OR they congregate at the school gates. Ok, so you are following the rules and not smoking in the school yard but now everyone has to get through your Hiroshima-esque chemical cloud to get into the school. I don’t like that this increases my baby’s risk of SIDS just because you can’t wait 5 minutes for a tab.
6. Kids on scooters and bikes – I appreciate that the kids are having fun and this may make your school runs easier but make sure they aren’t going to be a hazard to the rest of mankind before you let them loose with their favourite toy. Every day a kid will ride into us or I have to stop abruptly to avoid one. I watch them go into the roads and cause cars to slam their brakes on. As I’ve said, this affects me more as I’m one of the only daft buggers who has to go the opposite way to the rest of the traffic so some days I’d be easier taking my chances on the actual road instead of in the path of hordes of 6 year olds coming at me on whatever bleeding mode of transport is popular on YouTube that week.
7. People who don’t step the fuck aside to let you past. So many parents on my school run meander taking up the entire path. I know you want to catch up with Penny’s mam or whatever but if people are in a hurry trying to get to school so they can get to work, just step aside to let them past. The other day a mother and daughter duo wouldn’t step aside for me when I was in a hurry with the buggy so I tried to go around them on the grass and the buggy nearly tipped over. Instead of apologising they laughed at me. I’m still incandescent with rage remembering it. One day I was waiting to get through the traffic bollards near my house (walking ones on a path) and I counted 27 parents who went through from the opposite direction before one kindly woman let me past, commenting that she thought I would be there forever – me too love, me too!
8. The broken school system that makes parents to lie about their faith to get into a different school. I totally get why patents do it. You want the best for your kids. The problem is the system – too many oversubscribed schools and too many schools that are Ofsted ‘requires improvement’ due to funding cuts. It shouldn’t be a case of having to lie about faith to get your kid into a good school. However, when you do lie about faith you cause issues with congestion, parking, transport and make other parents have to travel way too far or even worse, have kids in multiple different schools.
9. People who don’t have manners – I see the same parents every day and smile or say hi and am often met with blank face. I let someone past to defeating silence. You know who seems to have the better manners? Your teens who are at the next school. They are largely polite, apologise and say please and thank you. I know it’s tough being a parent but life is better when you are friendly to one another. I try not to judge as Papa Ginge is an introvert and I know everyone is dealing with their own battles but still, I expect more from the North East – lets not become London.
10. Finally, arseholes who litter and spit. It’s gross and sets a bad example to our children. Get your shit together!
Ok rant over, I feel better now I’ve written this controversial post! Do you agree with any of these? Do you have any bug bears about the school run? Let me know in the comments and if you’ve enjoyed this post, please follow me on Facebook or Instagram.
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